…

An entry by Andrea on 07/03/2009

Sent a text.

Didn’t get a response.

I guess it’s really done.

…..

I’m more heartbroken than you could ever imagine.

So.. I took a nap. and I’m feeling better. He’ll come around, eventually. He always does. And they’re not going to last.. so I guess I just have to stick it out. I’ve said my peace. I’ve done what I could. It’s up to him now. We’ve gone longer without actually talking before, though we weren’t fighting then, so I guess I’ll just have to wait it out. Maybe try again in a couple of months. In the mean time, I’m just going to have to move on with life.

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Birthday boy.

An entry by Andrea on 07/02/2009

Tomorrow is Phil’s (my.. friend? best friend? not friend?) birthday.

… do I send a random text that simply says, “Happy Birthday”.

… do I send a text that says, “I’m not sure if we’re okay, but just wanted to say Happy Birthday.”

… do I tell him that I miss him?

… do I send him a quick email that says Happy Birthday?

… do I send him an email at all?

… do I ignore the fact that it’s his birthday all together?

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Random horoscope.

An entry by Andrea on 06/30/2009

My horoscope today was scary.

“A loved one you’ve been thinking about fondly for some time has finally come around — at least, it seems that way. There are several roadblocks in their way, however, many of which won’t move aside easily. The hard part will be overcoming your urge to clear their way without enlisting any help at all from them. The harder part is the absolute necessity of letting go so they can make this happen alone — which is what really counts.”

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Today.

An entry by Andrea on 06/29/2009

It’s been a week now. It still sucks. It’s not really any easier. I’ve been keeping myself busy, but whenever I’m alone, or have a minute to think, it’s back to square one. Literally, any time I finally stop thinking-something comes up. A song on the radio, a television show, a commercial.. literally as I was driving home today rocking out to some Lady Gaga, a car drives past with Virginia license plates. It cuts me off, and then practically crawls down the street. All I could think was, Seriously?! Was this a sign from God that I will never stop thinking about it?! Why would someone from Virginia be all the way in Chicago?! I proceeded to cry the rest of my way home. Ughh…I just don’t want to THINK anymore. I want to stop replaying our conversations in my head. I want to stop wondering if he took this out of context, or that, or if she’s really just gotten to him that much. I want to stop wondering how long it’s going to be until I get my friend back. Weeks? Months? Years? Never?

On another, sadder, note, my dog did the unthinkable today. I was sitting in the room when Rob runs in yelling that my dog is a murderer. It seems that the bunnies that occupy our yard had babies. My dog saw them as play toys and tried to play with them. By the time Rob got to her, 3 were dead and 3 were alive, barely. We rushed them to the local animal shelter. These little babies were literally smaller than my cell phone, couldn’t have been over a week old. I don’t know what happened to them, I know one died on the way to the animal shelter. I am just heartbroken. I couldn’t stop crying.

It’s just been a crying sort of day, I suppose.

I don’t think any of this makes sense? I just feel like I should type something..gotta keep my mind busy.

OHHHHH, and if you can see this from another computer, but my site is blocked from yours, etc, let me know. I seem to be having a bit of a scary stalker *AHEM CRAZY* issue going on and have had to block a few IP addresses. Don’t know how they got here, but if it’s that important to them to stalk my personal website, more power to them! (Though we all have to admit, it’s a bit scary when they stalk you to the point of finding something that was definitely not easily found..especially because there’s nothing on this website that they would be able to trace directly back to me without being here first!)

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Day 4.

An entry by Andrea on 06/25/2009

It’s day 4, and things still suck. I’m sorry for being such a drama queen, but seriously, this sucks.

Maybe it’s the fact that I know I can’t contact him. Maybe it’s the idea that if I do, and he still doesn’t respond, I have to admit that our friendship may really be over. To be honest, at times, part of me wants to text him like I would if this was a normal fight, and ask him if he’s done with his hissy fit. We’ve never NOT talked like this. We’ve never stayed mad at each other. I don’t even know if he’s still mad or he’s holding onto his pride. Does he feel the same way as me? Does he miss me? Probably not, because as they say in “he’s just not that into you”, if a guy wants to call you, he’ll call you. And he hasn’t.. soo?? Unless crazy has officially confiscated his phone? Ugh.

I KNOW that we will be friends again one day. I KNOW that eventually her true crazy will show and his eyes will finally be open. I KNOW that if it’s not like that, he’s a sucky friend and I’m better off without him.

.. but it doesn’t stop this from sucking. I’ve been going through stages..where I’m sad, because I just want this to be over with. Or I’m mad, because how dare he think I’d do that? How dare he make it out like I’m the bad guy? Why the hell didn’t he defend me to his family? Then I’ll just be disgusted with the whole situation. Then I’ll just be whatever about it all, because I know in the long run, we’ll be friends.. it’s just getting there, you know?

We’ll see what happens. This weekend is going to be busy for me, so hopefully that will stop my thought processes.

..and because I know everyone else will mention it, am I insensitive for being very “whatever” about Michael Jackson dying? I mean, it’s sad and all, and I feel bad for his family and small children, but it’s really not affecting me at all? I didn’t know him. He wasn’t anybody to me? I don’t know.

The only way it’s affecting me is all of the death in the news lately. Death in general makes you want to hug your loved ones, and tell everyone you know that you love them?

# | 4 Comments | Filed in: Bitch, Friends, Me, depression

Where to go from here?

An entry by Andrea on 06/22/2009

I guess I’m only putting this here, because I don’t know where else to put it. If I don’t get this out, I’m going to explode.
Continue reading »

# | 6 Comments | Filed in: Bitch, Friends, Me, depression

Honest Scrap

An entry by Andrea on 06/20/2009

Miss Caity tagged me with the Honest Scrap award. I’d upload the image, but my FTP program hates me all of a sudden. haha.

Here’s how it goes:

“The HonestScrap award comes with a caveat or two. Firstly, you have to tell your readers ten things about you they may not know, but that are true. Secondly, you have to tag 10 people with the award.”

Here we go.

1. I’m the world’s worst perfectionist. But not in a normal way. It’s all about myself. If I come in 2nd place, it’s not good enough. If such and such happens, it’s my fault and I didn’t do good enough. I’m trying to get over it.

2. I literally look to songs to explain my world. I can give you a song for every emotion and everything I’ve been going through. I listen to the songs on repeat for days. If I send you an email telling you how I feel, It will without a doubt contain song lyrics.

3. I ramble a lot when I’m either A. Nervous or B. Really Excited.

4. I don’t lie. I feel that the truth is always going to come out anyways, and despite the end result, its just ultimately better that people know the truth.

5. I have a very low bullshit tolerance. I have no problem cutting you out of my life. I don’t need shady people in my life, and if you’re not a true friend, I don’t want you as a friend in general. It’s usually one strike and you’re out. (Part of the reason this drama with my BFF is draining me…the biggest part of me says See ya! But I don’t know what I’d do without him!)

6. I may forgive things, but I never EVER forget.

7. It takes a lot to gain my trust, and very little to lose it.

8. I miss softball every day of my life.

9. I randomly make up words and use them in my daily vocabulary. They usually start rubbing off on the people around me. Fantabulous is my current favorite to use.

10. I’m a big believer in Karma and everything happens for a reason, even when it’s almost impossible to believe it. I know deep down that there’s a reason for everything.

Now to tag:

-Amber
-Calypso
-Jeanine
-Shellie
-Karyn
-Lisa
-Randi
-Caitlin
-Nichole
-Becca.

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my drama filled life

An entry by Andrea on 06/18/2009

Hello my poor little abandoned blog.

Where have I been, you ask? Dealing with nothing but DRAMA and DUMB PEOPLE. I’ve had no energy at the end of the night to blog, or really deal with anything.

My BFF’s girlfriend, now fiance, is CRAZY. My name for her is Jekyll and Hyde. Because yes, she is both. One day we can be friends. The next, he better not have anything to do with me or she’ll leave. The next, we can talk for twenty minutes, once a week. The next, she wants him to forget I exist. This is how it’s been for the past two weeks…no exaggeration.

I finally gave up. Told him I wasn’t dealing with this, or our friendship, depending on which way the wind blew. She kept sending me asshole text messages, to which I would just forward them on to him. This turned into him yelling at her, her breaking up with him, he and I being friends again.

Where do we stand now? We’re friends still, I guess. He says he doesn’t care what she thinks anymore, because we’ve been friends for far too long for all of this drama. That is until she threatens to leave again. I’m so over it. This is all mentally exhausting. I’m not in high school anymore, I shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of dumb drama. I’m so over trying to fight for our friendship. He’ll realize it when they break up. I even told him that, oops. Maybe I should have held that one back???

.. and how was YOUR week??

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monster-in-laws

An entry by Andrea on 06/07/2009

I’m sure I’ve mentioned in the past that the relationship between Rob, me, and his parents is NOT a good one. They failed to show up to our wedding. They made up dumb, untrue reasons as to why they “didn’t come”.. They said that one reason they didn’t come was, “Well, we’ll see it on video???” (Mind you, a video we did not know was being made.. a video that was being made specifically for them..if i would have known that, I would have stopped it!). It’s just not a good situation. They’re the type of people that expected this to happen, and then they figured they could just suck up to Rob a bit and then none of it ever happened and everyone would go on happily ever after.

Well, that’s not the case.
Continue reading »

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*headdesk*

An entry by Andrea on 06/02/2009

Best friend’s crazy girlfriend tried to add me to her myspace. My first thought was, ummm??? stalker much? My myspace is under my married name-which he doesn’t know because to be honest, my last name is now pretty complicated and impossible to spell. Second, my myspace is not under my normal email address, for a whole other reason. Okay, get past that. hmm..what is she trying to start? So I added her for five minutes, then changed my mind and deleted her.

Thought about it, and realized I have to put forth the effort. So I send her a message, pretending that I didn’t know who she was, but now I know, so feel free to add me back.

She tells best friend that I’m crazy and she doesn’t know if they should be together anymore, because she’s not looking to get caught up in this kind of drama.

*headdesk*

p.s. Ummm… America? Seriously. No one likes “Speidi”.. we all complain about them. So STOP GIVING THEM THE ATTENTION THEY WANT.. they’ll go away.

p.s.s. new theme, only going to be here for a day or so. sick of looking at the other one and this is the only one i had uploaded to try out, so guess what? it wins for a day. :)

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